There jokes
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.