The jokes
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. š
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!