The jokes
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
Memes
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...