The jokes
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
So, we all know that old kids' joke: why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Well, why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 11.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.