The jokes
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.