That jokes
Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
That was so funny, I forgot to laugh.
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
Yo momma so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the floor cracked up.
What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?
A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
Yo momma is so fat that the ground shakes a lot as she walks.