That jokes

I hope Death is a woman.

That way, it will never come for me.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

Some of you people on here are complete incels and need to learn how to spell and properly construct simplistic grammatical sentences that actually make sense.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces come in pears.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?