That jokes

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."