That jokes

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.