That jokes
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.