That jokes
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"