That jokes
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Give a blowjob.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
Your balls are growing too big that they will pop like a balloon!
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
That one depressed friend.
What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.
The Blonde got a Ph.D.?
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.