That jokes
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Why do white people colonize everything?
To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.