That jokes

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.