That jokes

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

What was the name of the Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.