That jokes
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
I guess this is pretty plane.
I am sorry I am just winging it.
Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.
Wow, I just landed that one!
I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.
My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Yesterday I had a party in my basement.
I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
That dam looks damn cool!