That jokes

Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.