That jokes

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.

Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.

Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!