That jokes
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Why do black men have nightmares?
Because the only one that had a dream got shot.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.