That jokes

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

It's statistically proven that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

What is not the definition of prostitution?

A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?

A megasus!

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

like if you know someone that is emo.

A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

Last night I had the strangest dream!

I sailed away to China!

And I caught the coronavirus!

You said you needed to wash your hands!

Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

And you said!!

Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

Barney-1 2 3 what number comes next?

Barney-that’s right it’s penis!