Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
