That jokes

Date

    • HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)

    Plane

    • "Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

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    • News Story

    • When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.

    Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"

    Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".

    I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."

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    • Regret

    • Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

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    • That memes

    Genie

    • The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.

    So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"

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    • Tissue

    • Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.

    Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.

    In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.

    But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.

    Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.

    So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.

    Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.

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    • Santa Claus

    • When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

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    • Magician

    • Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

    Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

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    • Time

    • I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

    Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

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    • Orphanage

    • This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

    Innuendo

    • I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

    Advert

    • Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

    And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.