That jokes

ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.

Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor

Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.

My [blank] is long and yellow that can't swim.

A school bus full of children.

Hiii everyone, I heard from many people that they want to join the "stop orphan jokes" group. Who wants to?

You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.

What is a dog that you can drive?

A big doggy car.

What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

Vortex: "You'll do what?"

Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Is that what you think? You have no clue, you fool!

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"