That jokes

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps, the earth was shaking!

Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?

suck a big cock.

Me: You know your parents were very good people.

Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.

Me: I know, you're an orphan.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.