That jokes

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

Yo mom's so fat that she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?

Cantonese...

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a COVID test.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.

What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers' heads?

Their ankles.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.