That jokes

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

What do you call a caterpillar that's sad?

A sad caterpillar.

You know why the Twin Towers were more remembered? A hexagon is more commendable than a pentagon.

Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."