That jokes

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?

They have the same hitbox.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

How do you get an orphan sad?

You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.

What do people have that orphans don't? A family.

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"