That jokes

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

What do you call a AK-47 that lost 1 point?

An AK-46.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Did I ever tell you my father should have been on the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers?

But that's just my opinion.

Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.

I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.

What do you call a nazi that can’t see?

A nozi.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

Three kids one day found a magic slide. There was a sign next to it that said, "Slide down and your wish will come true." The first kid slid down and wished for a chocolate river. He landed in a chocolate river.

When the 2nd kid slid down he wished for a bunch of money. He landed in a pile of money.

Finally, the 3rd kid slid down, and he said, "WEEEE!!!!!!"

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.