I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.
Why did the old man fall down a well? He couldn't see that well.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.
I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.
I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
