That jokes

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?

The "curry muncher 2000."

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

I want a series too, that will be SANS-tastic!

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

I saw an orphan take a selfie... oh man, that was one alone family photo.

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it says "to be continued."

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?

Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!