When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Tell Jokes
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.
Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?
Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.
