Tell jokes

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?

Alps clear the mind! Haha.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?

Because a SANSET is happening.

Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?

A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

Wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

I would tell you the pun about the broken pencil, but it has no point to it.

I was gonna tell you a great pun, but it's too cheesy.

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.