Tell jokes

Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Police.

Police who?

Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.