Tell jokes

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.

She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.

The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,

"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

Tell someone to spell "Icup."

Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.