Tell jokes

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

How do you anger a democrat?

Don't tell him the truth.

How do you anger a white Christian nationalist?

Tell him the truth.

To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.

Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?

You can never tell.

Tell who we are.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.