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To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.

Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, β€œJust open your mouth and close your eyes!”

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.