Television jokes
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have a home screen.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
Stig
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.