When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
Me: God Bryce do we really have to talk about this again? Bryce: what? Me: Your still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3! P.S. I'm a girl
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."
My "overweight" friend and me were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly dude?
Me: *annoyed*Jason when you stepped on the scale this morning it asked for you're weight not you're phone number.
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose? Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
Dark Jokes R Like Pupies:
Once they come out they r trash but one it starts to get older that’s when it’s noticed but when it gets to old u either proclaim it dead or never talk about it
( I would never do dat though I love pupies )
3 cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says ́ ́ I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands ́ ́
Cowboy 2 says ́ ́ I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb ́ ́
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. =knock knock= "Who's there?" "Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
Me and my friends were talking. Then we got to talk about our wives. I said "So I married a valcono for a wife. You never know when she will blow up"
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Son: “mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman ?» Mother: «No Son, unless if he’s gay» Son : «So your friend is gay ?» Mother with herself : «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me» Mother: «Mmm.. Yes» Father loudly: «YES!!!» Mother: «What in the hell ? Are you gay ?» Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me» Father: «No what are saying ? I’m just talking with myself»
*A few hours later*
Mother: «I will go to visit my mother» Father: «Me too I will go to visit my mother» Son: «Not me too I will go to stud with my friends»
the mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying : «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
So my brother said we should start a band and I said I already had a band...so I gave him my band and said he was talking about music and I said well I do have a trum-bone ;)
During the election campaign of 2012 we heard about Obama but we fought they said Osama. So I told my friend grab his gun and lets have some fun. So during one of Obama's campaign we both shot him to death, which lasted a while. Then my friend said "lets go get piz drunk at Mavericks bar". Then on TV they talked about Obama death and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
So I made a simple cancer joke on roblox with my friend an then both hers dumb ass friends we're like, OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!! THAT PISSED ME OFF like damn woman it's not like I said, IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB ASSES. If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats and I'm like "Water you talking about" =3
Me: Know one likes shrek he is just a fat green guy friend hey stop talking about me
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I was talking to my old friend, they said " We should hang out more! "
I said " you mean we should ketchup?"
