wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn...
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum, joke's on him, I have two dads.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!
The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.
... I guess her rubber broke too
A man runs into a church and shouts are there any dawarf nuns in the monsistary,the pope said no causing the man to say to his friend I told you you fucked a penguin
Will you remember me in 7 years?(yes) knock knock (who's there)
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What's are doing with that sledge hammer
So my friends birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it sum ting Wong
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him. When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded '' I don't know it all happened so fast''.
I don't like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust ring in hell-
Sadly blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind
Sadly he didn't see it coming
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of sick fuck does that?
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes
sally has no arms. what did she get for Christmas? idk she hasn't opened it yet.
Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”
