I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... i forgot i was in the cemetery
Me- *crying in the shower* Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the fuck was that noise?’
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out" I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
If i send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester
so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a women from ealing, she had a peculiar feeling, she laid on her backk, opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas? I dont know, she's still trying to open it...
when your sitting in class and the quiet kid yells lovely day isnt it ... and u see a Glock shape in his pocket
My mom got a clown for my birthday but it ended up being my sister🤡
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution but, when I got there they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you Penaldo!
i was playing laser tag with my ex, but i (wink) didn't realize i had a real gun
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant. Dad: well is she already part of the family? Son: Yes, why? Dad: then there’s no need to be worried.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans
What the heck did i discover
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot. Everyone else in the office:😱
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" For 5 different men.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
i was digging in my back yard and i found gold and i went to run a tell my mom but i realized why i was digging in the back yard
