Surprise Jokes

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends I milk a cow and it took awhile for it to warm up and his brother came over and said we don't have cows we have Bulls

what does a pregnant 14 year old and her foetus? theyre both thinking; oh sh@t my moms gonna kill me!

Teacher: I'm sorry but you got a 74 on the test Quiet Kid: I'll show you my own 74 Classroom: *visible panic*

Person 1 : "Where was Hiroshima?" Person 2 "In Japan" Person 1 "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."

The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't

Whats the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a suprise when you find the treasure

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think "Mom's probably going to kill me"

When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said "I used all the milk to make your sister"

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up. It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

A blonde, redhead and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

The three go back to conversing and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

"I was on top!"

All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

"I'm having puppies!"

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back,". The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking. The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says "step on a line and you break your father's spine,". The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE,". The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.