Support jokes

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.