Summer Jokes

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

What is the Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.

Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore?

Because all the Mexicans that can run, swim, or jump are already here.

Just me...

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"

Have a good summer!

What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...

Water... yup, water...

Do you want to go to the pool?

Yes? Well, water you waiting for?

How do butts stay cool in the summer?

They stay in crack conditioning.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).