Suicide Jokes

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

what's a depressed person's favorite game?

hangman

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"