Suicide

Suicide jokes

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

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    • I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

    A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

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    • I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

    I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

    Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

    I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

  • 2

    • "I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

    "Why?"

    "Because I want to hang!"

    A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

    Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

    Mom: Witherspoon.

    Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

    My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

    Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

    Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

    What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

    Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)