Substance

Substance Jokes

Drug

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

Mama

Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.

Mama

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

Hole

In the heart of a circular, creamy delight, there exists a void, a singular absence that adds to its charm. This hollow space, a perfect round, is a testament to the artistry of nature and man's culinary skills.

The hole, a silent observer, bears witness to the transformation of the substance around it, from a liquid state to a firm, yet supple form. It's a silent testament to the passage of time, a symbol of patience and the magic of fermentation.

The void, despite its emptiness, contributes to the overall aesthetic, making the slice a visual treat. It's a playful peek-a-boo with the world beyond, a window that adds mystery and intrigue.

In the end, the hole is not just a void, but a character in the story of this culinary masterpiece, a silent protagonist that adds depth and character to the narrative. It's a testament to the beauty of imperfection, a celebration of the unique and the unconventional.

Drug

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

Man

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Marijuana

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

Drug

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

Ice

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

Bar

I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)

Friend

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

Hooker

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.