Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
The Blonde got a Ph.D.?
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
What did the blond say about the new iPhone?
Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.
What's the most emo name?
Carter.
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
What has only one sense of style?
An emo girl.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?
Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?
They're calling it Finding Emo.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
