Stay Jokes

What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?

He should just go to his mom and dad!

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.

Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."