Stay jokes
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.
Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
Q: What do priests do to stay in shape?
A: They exorcise.
What did one ballsack say to another?
"You stay here, I'll go pee."
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.