“Mom these balloons are hard to blow.”
“Son stay out of the drawer.”
i dont even like ketchup so it stays stinky
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here i'm gonna rise up on ahead
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.
Why do dear stay infront of a moving car
To commit suicide
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their RAP SHEETS in order
what happens if you put your hand in glue,your hand will stay there forever im joking hahaha
😷 👕 👖 Stay sage in Quarantine
Ok so I know this is not a joke but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism your are still amazing you are lovely in every way and if people bully you don't lisn because they are wrong you are cute and I know how it feels I have ADHD and I get bullied a lot but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true people with autism stay strong you got this I will be your friend by heart Evan if it's not by person
why do orphans love dogs because dogs stay with them
Mom says : I will go kill myself Me : *stays quite cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls* Some time later me fighting with my mom Me to my mom : OH YEA THAN KILL ME Mom : What the hell did you just say I don't want to hear it from u again Lesson? SO ITS OK FOR ADULTS TO SAY I'LL KILL MYSELF BUT NOT TEENS/KIDS!?!?!
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews."
Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return. If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.
an adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid aportes him hey says the emo kid do you have rope No replies the adopted kid Dang it i hate you says the emo kid "now the adopted one is angry" Well at least im loved says the adopted kid.
if you know a emo kid please stay away the depression is contagions I,m a survivor like if you dislike emos.
Holy fucking shit Addison watersharky Gwen and all of you other cringelords I swear to god I I hear one more thing about “please be kind no bullying on the internet” I will actually shoot my local school. You may not know since you are only 8yrs old or whatever but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your “please be kind “messages to yourselves
There were two two twin brothers Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girl friend while Lucas stayed single. A few weeks later Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe I know we're twins but I'm Marcus and that's Lucas you were kissing." and his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
