Stand jokes
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
What does CNN stand for? The Counterfeit News Network.
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
What do the initials "MAD" stand for?
Mothers Against Democrats.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”