Stand jokes
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?
"Stand" Ford University. :3
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.