Stand jokes

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"

What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

The "W" in African stands for water.

My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."

Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?

It was too tired.

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.

My initials are K.M.C.

Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".

Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.

I’m writing an autobiography.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?

"Hello Ladies!"

What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?

It’s the premium version of gay.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.