Stand jokes
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?
High interest!
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
What does BLM stand for?
Biden loves millennials.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.