Stand jokes
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.