Stand jokes
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
The "W" in African stands for water.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.