Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she’s cold? – Because it’s 90 degrees.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says moo, the other turns to him and says ‘I was just going to say that’

The W in African stands for water

why didn’t the bike stand on its own?

it was 2 tired

My Llama’s cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; “I’ll pack uhhhh…”

Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.

What’s steven hawking’s favourite type of comedy?? Stand up

Two horses are standing in a field. “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” says the first.

“Moo!” says the second.

What collage can Stephen Hawking not attend to? “Stand” Ford university. :3

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and fuck me”

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

How many quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb? 4! One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he’s standing on, and one to sing “Allouette, gentille allouette!”

Why did Steven hawking have no friends?

He couldn’t stand anyone…

Whenever I have a one night stand I always use protection

A fake name and fake phone number.

What does DNA stand for? National dyslexic assosiation

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? – Because he can’t do stand up.

The teacher asks her class “What is sex?” and Little Jonny stands up and says “sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl’s destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?” and the teacher fainted.

Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!