Stand jokes

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?

Stand-up comedy.

I sit because I can't stand you.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

One day little Jonny is in class. It is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids, so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid, stand up." Little Jonny stood up.

The teacher asked him, "Why do you think you're stupid?" Little Jonny said, "I don't think I am stupid."

Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied, "I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone."

NASA stands for naughty aliens spewing apricots.

Some say Stephen Hawking couldn't stand up for himself 😂

What does FNAF stand for? Five Nasty Ass Fools.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.