Stand jokes

What does Army stand for?

Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.

What does Marine stand for?

Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.

What does Marine stand for?

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.

Bring out your weapons, people.

It's bullying time.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?

Stand-up comedy.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!

I sit because I can't stand you.