Stand jokes

Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.

Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.

In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.

But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.

Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.

So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.

Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 💶 💶 💸 💶 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰💰 👍 👍 👌 👌 😍 😍✌️✌️ 🌭 🍌 🕳

👨 👨 What does the initials GOP stand for?

👬 Gay man On Penis.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."

How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.

A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"

What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.

Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

Lesbian stands for:

L: Loving

E: Extra

S: Shitty

B: Bitches

I: I

A: Am attracted to

N: Nice girls.

What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?

Parallel Parkinson's.

Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?

'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.