I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.
Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!
Lesbian stands for:
L: Loving
E: Extra
S: Shitty
B: Bitches
I: I
A: Am attracted to
N: Nice girls.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What does Trump stand for?
Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.
People in wheelchairs should really stand up for themselves!
What does the PH stand for in "orphan"?
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.
Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.
Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!
Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!
Love you-Iariah
Someone bullied a disabled person.
The disabled person said they can't stand it.
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Teacher: "Stand up, class!"
She is sitting down.
Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
