Stand jokes
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
Stand in the corner.
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
People in wheelchairs should really stand up for themselves!
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?
Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.