Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Stand Jokes
The F in orphans stands for family...
Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."
The S in America stands for safe.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Why are so many people making fun of people with wheelchairs?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."
The "P" in Batman stands for parents.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: no one stands up.
Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*
Little Johnny: *stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
