What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
I can't help myself I put it down on paper All the different stages, memories of us That's the only way I know that I can shake it Writing all our pages, every single thought I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic No, you've never tried to understand Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
I can't wait for you to recognize the stories Like when you said i was beautiful Will you act as if you haven't even heard it? Nothing of it really matters 'Cause I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic Go back to the start to get an end Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
Just to get over what we lost, what we lost I put it in words to clear my thoughts And just to get over, over us I had to, I had to
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
sorry kenny?!
Real Pokémon.
Anxiety evolved into depression. Depression was the final stage evolution.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
