Spouse jokes
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
My bro had siblings who survived they could have helped him at any moment and now we have people around with the last name Hitler.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
What do you call your mom?
My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%
I hate my wife.
*cue laugh*
My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.