Spouse jokes
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
joe mama roast
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”