Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry it's just a couple.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
How to know if your wife is dead ; well the sex is still trash ;but the dishes really start to pile up
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. -- I didn't want to interrupt her.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife? He wiped.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Guy asked me what I do for a living. Now I'm not old enough to get a job so I said nothing. He asked me again so I said, "Your wife" The guy goes to slap me but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I had a boyfriend once, he broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive," guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
Marriage is really educational
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes So she gave me a hug
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea? Husband : No, I like after "T"! .............. It means: the letter "U" : you!
I was outside digging a six foot hole, when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Who's the smallest wife?? MICROwife
