Spouse jokes
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
joe mama roast
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife? “Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
What do you call your mom?
My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%