Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry it's just a couple.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
How to know if your wife is dead ; well the sex is still trash ;but the dishes really start to pile up
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife? He wiped.
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. -- I didn't want to interrupt her.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
I had a boyfriend once, he broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive," guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Guy asked me what I do for a living. Now I'm not old enough to get a job so I said nothing. He asked me again so I said, "Your wife" The guy goes to slap me but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
I was outside digging a six foot hole, when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes So she gave me a hug
Marriage is really educational
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea? Husband : No, I like after "T"! .............. It means: the letter "U" : you!
